Saw my oncologist today, prior to chemo round three. Tracy and Keith are here from Virginia and they were with so I had my own entourage. Doc asked lots of questions about how I was doing, then it was my turn. I asked how aggressive my type of esophageal cancer is and what is the likelihood I’ll beat this. He said the statistics would say most patients live 12 months after diagnosis. It is not expected the chemo will cure my cancer, just keep it in check. We’ll do another CT scan after my sixth round and if the tumor hasn’t grown or metastasized that would be success. I hadn’t really realized that the CT scan I had prior to chemo provided the full “before” data, I’d thought it was just my lower abdomen. So I’ve told some off you that the engineer in me wished we had before data for comparison and we will. Either way, apparently I’ll start a second series of chemo as soon as the first is done if I can tolerate it.
The stark reality hit Judy pretty hard. She Tracy and Keith are out on the deck drinking up my liquor. Sharing today’s news with Katie and Peder wasn’t easy for me either. Call it denial or faith but I believe I’ll beat this with prayer and chemo. I feel better now than I have since October, rode my bike 25 miles last Sunday. Statistics are meaningless to me, I’m a case of one and people DO beat this. Why not me? I asked if my riding Cycle Oregon was an insane idea. Doc said not necessarily, my body will tell me what’s possible. He told us we should do the things we want to do together, enjoy life as best we can and if need be, tweak the chemo schedule to accommodate some things. We’re thinking that it’s time to make that Route 66 bucket list trip.
So, emotionally this was a shitty week. Besides today’s news, on Monday we met with a lawyer to draft an irresponsibly long overdue will. Friends, get your affairs in order for your family on your terms, not when facing something like this. Then I find that after seven years as volunteer webmaster for Lutheran Men in Mission that they hired a developer to reformat my work to make it look more “modern” and essentially tossed me aside without any conversation or so much as a thank you. Not nice. Screwed over just like St. Matthew did to me after 8 years as webmaster for them. Guess I’m done building sites for Lutheran organizations.
Our dear friends Susan and Gary had tee shirts made for us reading “Mark’s Pit Crew — savesparkplug.us” and delivered them with a basket of healthy goodies. Thank you friends, I love them and you.
Time for some stupid movie therapy. First up, Animal House, which we just finished. “Bluto: Over? Did you say ‘over?’ Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!”
That’s me, a bit confused but I won’t give up.
Here I am with Peder and Tom back in 2011 riding the original Deathmobile in Cottage Grove Oregon where the homecoming parade scene was filmed. Love this movie!
I love your attitude, that is 99% of the battle. God has the ultimate say. God has shown me how real he was, just this past week. I have a 13 year pom, cute little thing, she has a severe respiratory problem, she is on prednisone, trazodone, hydrocodon, all harsh human medicine, without it each day, she has a hard time breathing, she cannot wear a collar . This past Sunday, the fence was open, she wasn’t able to get back in the house. I was at work and didn’t get home until 1am, my heart dropped when I didn’t hear her bark. I knew my Precious was dead, hit by a car, or just somewhere grasping for air. I heard a small voice say to me, “Trust me”, not audibly but the presence of trust me, I said audibly I do trust you Lord, I know she is alright with you, but I didn’t want her to go like that, not alone. Again, the voice said, “Trust me”. I again said I do trust you but I can’t help thinking how alone she must of felt. Again, “Trust me” Fear not, I said to the thought, I can’t help myself, Jesus cried, even though He knew Lazarus would be raised. I trust you but I am frighten of the unknown. Again, that small voice said “Trust me”. I felt secure with the words “Trust me”, there was power in those words, it got me through work, meetings, etc, every time I began to doubt, “trust me” came to mind. My husband posted a picture of Precious on every pole, rock, brick, etc. Every time I passed her picture, I cried. On Wednesday night, I went to my bedroom to do my daily, sleep to not think session, my daughter called and told me a lady called she has precious, she took her to the vet, and precious had an infection in her mouth, that the vet did surgery on, I was too afraid to have that surgery done, but they didn’t know her past to prevent it, it went well, to make a long story short, Precious is laying down beside me, she still has her breathing difficulties, she is no longer lost, but found and what I so dread, didn’t happen, all because of that small little voice that says, “Trust me”. You, my friend are listening to that voice, you found strength in that voice, that is the only voice that matters. God made in you a wonderful, unique, individual, that He loves very much, “Trust me” has always been His only request.
“A case of one”…well said. Keep that faith…it is the winning ticket.
I am happy to hear that the Route 66 trip is now getting close. There are outdoor theaters calling your name. Happy trip planning. Love to ALL of you.
What a tough week – I’m sorry. I love your perspective that you’re a case of one, and why can’t it be you who triumphs over this? Of course it can be you, and that’s exactly how I’ve been praying this whole time. We all want it to be you, so that’s how I’m believing going forward. I’m so glad you have your family near you and that they are making time to spend with you. You’re wise to see how much people love and care about you as the central message of your journey. Praying that you feel this love and the love of our Father as you go forward in your fight.
You look good in a toga! I love the optimism, Man! We did our will a few years ago, we should revisit it. Thanks for the reminder. Shitty week indeed. I’ve built websites for several clubs and groups also. Never enough appreciation for the work. Folks must think it’s easy, and graphic design goes with technical knowledge.
Hang in there old friend.
Yes. It was a crappy day. BUT, we walked through it. And the sun came up the next morning. And we are still together. I count that as a good day. I love you; forever.
Think I told you about a friend who was diagnosed with esophageal cancer five…..maybe six years ago. As I recall, his oncologist gave him odds similar to those you heard. He’s not cured, and his cancer metastasized to his brain a couple times, resulting in surgeries to remove tumors. But none of that stopped him from attending his 60th(?) high school class reunion, celebrating his 50th anniversary with a trip down the Danube, or enjoying three trips to Hawaii with children and grandchildren. So like you say, statistics are just statistics, and you are a case of one.
“Doc…told us we should do the things we want to do together…enjoy life as best we can…” Good advice for everyone, but my friend would tell you he didn’t really take it to heart until after his cancer diagnosis. Even bad news is sometimes a blessing in disguise. If nothing else, it opens eyes to the real possibility of miracles.
Take care, Mark. You too, Judy. Love you both.
Okay, now have read the second post~~the latest. Not liking it but am liking the plans for the Route 66 trip. That is why we just came back from Yosemite~~bucket list for me. Ron had been there 50 years ago and I wanted to see it. He found that El Capitan and Half Dome were still there and I found yet another reason to be in praise and thanksgiving to our Lord for the granduer He created for us. Spring green and the flora were spectacular with the amazing waterfalls! Watching the sunset and the moonrise from Tunnel View was yet another reminder of His constant love and care for us. God is in control and He is with us in every journey~~trust Him.
I keep praying for the healing.
Cheers,
JNS
N of one. All things are possible! Thank you for your posts. Love you all!
I love the transparancy of your posts uncle Mark! It’s awesome to share the positive and O.K. To admit to bad days. Reading through your journey makes us feel close to you. Know we are thinking and praying for you every day. We love you, and know that if if it is Gods plan, you will kick this cancer’s ass!!
FOOD FIGHT!!!!
That’s a good name for my next post.